Eli Manning’s Photographer | Hardest Jobs in Sports

Eli Manning’s Photographer | Hardest Jobs in Sports


– Eli Manning has accomplished
just about everything an NFL quarterback could hope to. He was drafted first overall. He’s won two Super Bowls. But there’s still
something he hasn’t done. He’s never taken a decent photograph. And I would know. I’m his personal photographer. (elegant piano music) Photographing Eli Manning is tough. He just has… A dumb face. Normally, NFL teams hire one photographer to photograph the whole team,
but Eli is so not photogenic, the Giants hired me to
just photograph Eli. People always ask me, “Is Eli
Manning as dumb as he looks?” And the answer is no. He’s actually one of the
smartest quarterbacks. It’s just that his face is dumb. It’s like the Blake Bortles of faces. Sometimes Eli looks confused dumb. Sometimes he looks squared dumb. Sometimes he looks guy who got
his face stuck in a fan dumb. But usually, he just looks dumb dumb. You know how kids don’t
quite know how to smile yet, so they just kind of grit their teeth? Eli’s like that, except he’s 36 and he somehow has less
control over his face. I decorate my office with the best photos I could get of him. This is Eli at the NFL draft. He said it was the
happiest day of his life. At this point, I resorted
to using Photoshop to make Eli look like he’s smiling. I don’t know, is this better? God, Eli, I hate your face. There are certain kinds
of specialty photographers that would kill for a model like Eli. You know, if you wanted
to take a stock photo about memory loss or adult illiteracy. At this point, I’m just ready to give up. Maybe I’ll start photographing
some other quarterback. Just not Jay Cutler. He’s always asleep or naked. In the sports photography community, I’m known as The Fixer. When it became obvious that
LeBron was losing his hair, I found an angle that made
it look like he wasn’t. But there’s no good angle for Eli.

100 Comments on “Eli Manning’s Photographer | Hardest Jobs in Sports”

  1. Introducing, The Kicker Podcast! David Ingber and Rob King give sports fans exactly what they want: ridiculous hot takes.

    Subscribe on iTunes: http://apple.co/2xkzt9h

    We also read YOUR comments on the show. Funnier the better. Let's do this!

  2. My math teacher always used to say looking into Eli's eyes was like looking into the eyes of a chicken, ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  3. "You know how kids don't quite know how to smile yet…yeah Eli's like that, except he's 36!!!" ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. You shouldn't say stuff like that. If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut.
    Eli doesn't look dumb. He looks like someone who is kind to everyone.

  5. Except sheโ€™s ugly herself, even in motion, and this bit isnโ€™t witty enough to make that hypocrisy part of it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *