Beer in Video Games

Beer in Video Games

Beer [song with “beer” as pitched sample playing melody] Beer Beer Beer [repeated in time to music, slowly growing more deranged] [terrible, terrible music] Back in my highs… college days uhhuhu tomfoolery, when I didn’t, uh, drop out, I was known to frequent the Summer Shandies. The Edward Forty Handies. The Midnight Moonlight. Bud Light, Coors Light, Dandies. fuck But any time I would go out with my friends I-I would typically end up assuming the role of mother hen Any of you fellow Mother Hens out there will know exactly what I’m talking about in a second. Basically, your friends all get belligerently drunk early on in the night and it’s up to you to make sure they don’t go running off into the woods, saying: Fuck you Jacob, I’m going camping. and then you finally find them in the middle of the woods sitting on a fucking rock, and they look at you like YOU’RE the the dumbass What’s it look like? I’m fucking camping. That actually happened. Not to name any names, but I love you, Jim. [laugh] So even though I had my wild days of doing dumb shit with my friends in small-town, South Dakota, most of my fondest beer-related memories were just staying in playing video games with hot boys and gamer girls. Because at least then I could just get drunker and shit and dunk my friends with DK and not chase them into the woods like it’s some drunk Blair Witch Project Shout out to all the mother hens out there [sampled music from before but with “shout out to all the mother hens out there”] [it sounds like gibberish] But then I got to think, what about beer IN video games? You know, what kind of representation do we have for our virtual cold ones? [laugh] There’s plenty of games with alcohol with most of them treating them in the exact same way: Oh no, my vision is all wiggly woo wooo wacky asss [laugh] [drunk chuckling (chunkling)] Fuck that! We all know there’s a lot more that goes into being drunk than just oh so much turned up emotion words [high voice] Oh, someone turned up the motion blur! Like, yeah, your vision changes, But also your movement. Your communication. Your special abilities. Like, there are plenty of things I would do or say buzzed that I would not do sober. Some video games actually do a novel job at acknowledging the unlocked drunk talent. Conker gets drunk several times in Bad Fur Day mainly so he can piss and puke to save his girlfriend. He [choke] he hiccups, he stumbles around. He does a sad little slap move. Now we’re cooking with beer [bad music joke again] Where, in the Fallout games, beer temporarily increases charisma and strength, but lowers intelligence. This is interesting, cuz there’s some truth to it. Like, sober me knows I can’t lift up a fridge. but, Drunk Jakey. He’s tried to toss a fridge like it’s a pigskin. And then if you get addicted to the shit and fall out and become a virtual alky, Your charisma goes down unless you got a nice buzz going on. Okay, I’m sorry for saying alky back there, alcoholism is not a joke and I’m sorry for being insensitive. [music stops] …but I’m also kind of drunk, so fuck it. I like that Fallout acknowledges some other aspects of booze other than just [high voice] oh no my glasses are off With the Fallout 4 main character voice actor even slurring her words sometimes when you get drunk. It’s pretty fucking hilarious. [slurred character speech] Yeah yeah,, mmhmhmm The companions in the game will also say shit if you drink in front of them. Fuck you, Piper! Fuck you robot! Fuck you, X6! If that’s the case we’re about to be relatives cuz I… …you get it. mmm My wish is that if you drink a beer in an RPG like Fallout or Mass Effect, you not only get new speech options that were hidden, but it’s a fucking gamble on which one you’re gonna say. Cuz that’s how it is in real life. I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna say when I’m drunk. Maybe that’s how you unlock new side quests, like one where your companion goes running off into the woods cuz they’re “Gonna go camping.” Down the hatch [music again] I’ve never done this without shoes. Let’s see what this feels like [pained, drunken sounds] In Grand Theft Auto 4, not only does Niko’s slur his words when he gets drunk, but he gets hard to control, and it’s really entertaining. Red Dead Redemption is the exact same thing. [drunken] Howdy, pardner. Could you –
could you tell me where the law is? I’m the sheriff around [sip] these parts. fuck What really grinds my gumps though is when a character in a video game OBVIOUSLY has a drinking problem, but it doesn’t carry into the gameplay whatsoever. Like a big part of Max Payne 3 is that Max is a straight-up alcoldolic. Like, it’s baaad. So he drinks through the cutscenes and it does this whole woozy cosmic brownie bullshit But when it comes to the gameplay, alcoholic Pain doesn’t need any booze. Just a special medication for bullet holes. you know For his bones? That have bullet holes in them? Like if I leave the game on and I go run some errands for a couple hours Check the mail, do my laundry, pet a random dog. I come back – He’s fine! Just standing there monologuing some more about his fucking dead wife. I get kind of insensitive when I drink, I will be honest. So what’s my point? You know you know, w-what is the point? fwfhw What’s the point? [sampled music gag] Beer is a pretty big part of the real world, so it’d be cool to see it… more portrayed better in the video gaaaaaah I dunno man, I’m not MatPat! I’m just fucking drunk! Well, ok, that’s it, uhhhh-h-h Let me know in the comments what games I didn’t talk about that have beer in them. I’m gonna attempt to do the shout-outs now. goddamn shit dawg [the worst music gag of the entire video] [laughter] okay, okay, I can do this, I can do this… [drunken singing to song] [laughter] [Drunkenly sings] All the boys, all the boys, all the bo- goddamn shit dawg

100 Comments on “Beer in Video Games”

  1. So the vid was great either way but was this made during a week you were craving beer, So you wrote it off as a "buisness expense" by doing this video?..because honestly…i wish i had thought of it first… Lol

  2. Got a nice mother hen story for y'all. Buckle your fuckle, cause this one's a doozy

    Few years back i had a sleepover at a pall of mine and his friend i didn't know. Let's call them Larry and Dave.
    Dave picks me up in his parent's audi tt and we drive to my friend Larry's house. The dude had 4 johnny walker red label's in the back.

    Finally, we arrive at Larry's house. We smoke some doobies, eat some pizza and then we hold a smash tournament.

    While i was setting up the rules my pal Larry goes to the back and grabs a giant ass glass pitcher, almost fills it to the brim with vodka and adds a couple drops of coke. That was his version of a vodka cola.

    So me and Dave start playing smash while Larry waits his turn. At some point he gets impatient and to kill some time he just starts chugging his "vodka cola".
    He got drunk within the few minutes we started playing smash.

    Dave beat me and now it's my friend Larry's turn. As soon as i hand him the controller he hurls a fucking riptide of puke on his WiiU.

    Me and Dave were obviously disgusted, but somehow in our drunk and high state we managed to clean most of the gunk from the floor and the console.

    At this point, it was about 2:15 AM so we decide to call it a day and go bed. About ten minutes after we all lay down i heard moaning and burping from Larry' bed. Then i heard a noise… the same noise i heard when we played smash.

    Larry puked in his bed…

    I woke Dave in the other room and we started waking up larry. I sent him into the shower and Dave starts cleaning the sheets.
    When i finally had the pleasure of seeing my best friend's cock i returned to the bedroom to help out Dave with the puke sheets.

    We've finished with Larry's bed and i go sit in front of the bathroom to keep an ear out for him if something goes wrong.

    Something did.

    When he was getting out of the shower i heard him tripping over something and glass shattering.

    Alarmed, i swing open the door and there was my drunk friend Larry, naked on the bathroom riddled with cuts on his body and bloody pieces of broken glass all over the floor. It looked like a scene straight out of one of the campy saw sequels in there.

    Apparantly when Larry came out the shower, he probably tripped over his own feet.
    Fun fact: in Larry's bathroom there was a big plastic towel tack on wheels and stacked on top of that was a giant, empty fishbowl. (No clue why it was there in the first place.)
    When larry tripped he probably gripped the towel rack to retain his balance. But since that thing's on wheels, larry brought the rack and the giant fishbowl down on top of him.

    Immediately, i call Dave in the other room. He starts looking for some first aid supplies while i start picking pieces of glass out of larry's arm and up from the floor.

    After a little while, dave found a packet of band-aids and we just start mummifying the shit outta larry. All the while he just keeps mumbling nonsense to us. I doubt he even felt the slightest of pain.

    When we were done with that and Larry is all wrapped up like a christmas present snoring in bed, me and Dave started cleaning the bathroom.

    we both grab a broom and a mop and by the time we're done cleaning we looked like we waltzed through a slaugtherhouse.

    After we cleaned the blood from ourselved as well, we finally could get back to bed ourselves.
    At this point, it's about 6 AM and me and Dave are tired as hell. as soon we finally get back under the covers we heard his dad coming home.


    For the 3rd or 4th time, i woke Dave.
    We both race downstairs and start explaining the whole thing to his dad.

    The only reply he gave to this whole story was: "whatever you do, DON'T tell this to his mum

    And that's how i cleaned up puke, mopped up a room of blood plucked glass out of my friends body and turned him into a mummy.
    all the while still being drunk from the johnny walker's and high from the doobies.

    And that's my mother hen story biatch

  3. Borderlands 2 you can get drunk and there is also a gun called the grog nozzle that gives you a drunk effect when you shoot the gun, it multiplies your bullets but also distorts your vision

  4. It will actually be cool if your character is drunk asf u don’t touch the controller and later there start doing their own shit. Ex: went to go climbing a mountain or walking in the middle of the road

  5. I'm surprised he didn't mention Catherine at all. When outside of the nightmare stages you spend your time in a bar just drinking and choosing what you'd like to drink. After finishing your drink you also get trivia about what you just had. The more intoxicated you get the faster you move during the nightmares.

  6. NakeyJakey is the type of guy you always wanted to be friends with, but you were always kinda intimidated to approach him, despite him being one of the nicests people in class

  7. That one sidequest in Skyrim where a guy challenges you to a drinking contest, and a couple drinks later you wake up in Markarth with a priest yelling at you for desecrating the shrine, and you have to travel back along the entire country fixing all the shit drunk you did.

  8. Does ANYONE know the song at 5:10 playing in the background? It sounds so familiar.

    EDIT. Holy fuck guys. Maybe I’m just really wasted, but the YouTube algorithm is fucking SCARY. I was like “oh fuck it, it’s probably from Max Payne 3, so I’ll just search it up” I literally type “Max” in the search bar, FIRST FUCKING RESULT IS THE MAX PAYNE 3 OST: PAIN. THATS THE SONG.

    Anyway thanks Jakey cheers bro

  9. 1:20 running out in the woods is the best part I'm not afraid of fucking anything when I get drunk I'd snuggle up next to a mountain lion

  10. When you get older, you'll start giving less of a fuck and just let your friends go "camping". Trust me, the mother hen crap gets real tiresome, and eventually it's just like "ok dipshit, have fun"

  11. I'd like the idea of deceptive dialogue options when your character is drunk, like the option on screen may read "It's a pleasure to meet you." But when selected your character says "Noicce Titties."

    Also if you smoke weed in a game, all your quest markers and objective menus should temporarily disappear, as if you forgot what you were supposed to to be doing.

  12. I think the case with Max Payne 3 is that Max can't even get drunk. His tolerance has surpassed that of any normal drinker and honestly, I think it makes the narrative all the more depressing for that reason.

  13. i like the way its portrayed in world of Warcraft. besides having a visual effect your character hics… in chat and adds h and s to random words

  14. Hey jakey, fun fact, in wow, if you get drunk, all your enemies' stats and levels are artificially lowered, so what you see a level 1 pushover is actually a level 45 beast

  15. I don’t know if it’s Jacob being ducking sloshed or it’s an already funny concept, but either way this video is one of the funniest

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